"I think it is very beautiful for the poor to accept their lot, to share it with the passion of Christ. I think the world is being much helped by the suffering of the poor people."

Holey Troof #67
"Today, abortion is the worst evil, and the greatest enemy of peace. We who are here today were wanted by our parents. We would not be here if our parents had not wanted us.
We want children, and we love them. But what about the other millions? Many are concerned about the children, like those in Africa, who die in great numbers either from hunger or for other reasons. But millions of children die intentionally, by the will of their mothers. Because if a mother can kill her own child, what will prevent us from killing ourselves, or one another?
Nothing."

Mother Teresa, in a filmed interview described a person who was in the last agonies of cancer and suffering unbearable pain. With a smile she told the camera what she had told this terminal patient: 'You are suffering like Christ on the cross. So Jesus must be kissing you.' Unaware of the account to which this irony might be charged, she then told of the sufferer's reply: 'Then please tell him to stop kissing me'.
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DEADLY SINS

Pride - Broken on the wheel
Envy - Put in freezing water
Gluttony - Forced to eat rats, toads, and snakes
Lust - Smothered in fire and brimstone
Anger - Dismembered alive
Greed - Put in cauldrons of boiling oil
Sloth - Thrown in snake pits
Withholding pain relief from the terminally ill - Sainthood

(continued as for C21st update)

Polluting the environment - Chernobyl lavatory attendant
Carrying out "morally dubious scientific experiments" on humans - 'Here's Lucy' repeats ad infinitum.
Paedophilia - Never ending Gary Glitter concert.
Abortion - Locked in a lift with Jerry Falwell.
Causing social injustice - Perpetual Mass with fifteen screaming babies.
Causing poverty - Refereeing Nude Jesus wrestling.
Becoming obscenely wealthy - Sharing a bath of baby oil with Benito Mussolini
Taking/dealing drugs - Pfizer/Viagra guinea pig.
Genetic modification - Eternal membership & attendance of "The Pope Benedict XVI Fan Club"

If any of the above sins pertain to you please contact your nearest friendly priest for absolution* or forever hold your 'piece'.

*Conditions apply and all forms of Heavenly Retribution subject to change at short notice.


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BRIAN OF NAZARETH: Look. You've got it all wrong. You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody! You've got to think for yourselves. You're all individuals!
FOLLOWERS: Yes, we're all individuals!
BRIAN OF NAZARETH: You're all different!
FOLLOWERS: Yes, we are all different!
DENNIS: I'm not.
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