scratchings no gravy

are what is left of the PARODY from salford

it consists of TINY WILSON
and
DAVID HOLMES

We have written tonnes of songs but are looking for a good engineer with a studio to help them put an album together - help us do a shit hot album,, and we will sort you out with cash and kudos

if you like our stuff and want to become part of our clique and gang
and get involved in regular biscuit meetings

contact us and tell us what you can offer,,,

our music is known as
VINEGAR STROKE CONCEPTION

which is like the DOGMA 95 manifesto that Lars von Trier uses for his film techniques.

you can only put up music at its conception
unrehearsed
in mid jam
it's gotta be the truth
it has to be in the house
preferably in the front room
but the bedroom and the lobby are permitted
no pattios or huge show off gardens
it defeats the objective somewhat,,
you must try instruments on the spot you never played before or are normally shit at
it must be filmed on a cam corder - preferable hi 8.
then converted to mp3 files,
no over dubs
no covers
no looking at the camera like a twat
the song ends when it ends,,
no structure
we must see you holding the lyric sheet
there should be arguing between band members about direction - no drugs or alcohol should be visible,,
arguing and problems should be left in,,
but no pretending like fey girls,,
we can tell the difference
Real fighting is not an excuse for crap developments, try and use other peoples instruments preferably stolen or converted,
move to the next riff/ idea seamlessly don't stay on the same riff/idea/song after you stop,, move to a new one straight away or turn off the camera. and finally.
this is not a chance to perform in front of the camera. THE WHOLE POINT OF THE CAMERA is only meant as a recording device and if you happen to be in shot big deal.. it's the music we want to capture not your silly complextion and strange wig.
we want real intensity and tangible emotions
think the Fall - swans - joy division and dr feelgood meets pinky and perky !
anything else fuck off !

if you can play our stuff or want to jam
contact us and tell us your bag,,

ok

right on !!